Back-log Blog: June 2011

The sisters (sissies, Eye-ya & L00L00.)

Ellia continues to be a 2nd Mommy to our little L00L00 (Ellia and I started calling her that at some point because she was 'acting Looloo' so I said "you're our little LooLoo." Ellia got a kick out of that, she laughed and laughed. Claira said "I not LooLoo. I not LooLoo.I Crar-a."

June marked Claira's 2 1/2 age & with it (as I noticed at Ellia's half-way marks) came a serious personality adjustment. I remember at 1 1/2 thinking "this chick wears her emotions right out in the open. Even if she has a tantrum, boom, when she's over it she is OVER IT." I thought "hey, this is cool...she gets over things so quickly!"
Well, then came the next roll-out phase of The True Claira. The Emerging Claira. The "What the hell am I gonna do when she's a teenager" Claira! For a month or so I was reeling. Everthing I learned while parenting Ellia for almost 5 years - I threw it all at her. She was immune to all of it. This chick required a whole new play book that I inwardly dreaded wasn't capable of coming up with. She seemed so foreign to me. So hot and cold. She KNEW she was older. She was mowing over every boundary she could find & with not a care in the world about it. I was living through back to back melt-downs. And by that I mean, within minutes of eachother. (Screaming about being put into her carseat instead of climbing in it. OK, finally calmed down. Boom, screaming about that way I buckled her in.) I was on pins and needles because I was right smack in the middle of a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" world. And she was mean! It wasn't just a tantrum. It was "NO Mommy! What'd you DO dat!? I don't LIKE you." She was definitely bullying me. And she was bullying Ellia too - hitting her the millisecond she became mad. Then, as soon as her tornado started it stops and SHE'S fine. SHE'S ok. She leaves chaos, hurt feelings, buises (an emotional armeggedon) in her wake - and she's lookin' back like "What? I'm over it, why aren't you?"
Luckily, after a few weeks I found my inner Mother of Claira. It's a new one & I'm really proud that we've made & grown stronger through this first of many Emerging Claira's to come. I'm firm on the things that 100% without a doubt are no-budgers. And it has to be a strong, loud NON-emotional firmness. Emotions to Claira are like blood in the water to a shark. If she senses she's 'getting to ya' she'll zero right in on ya. Mostly, I realized I had to TELL Claira what she needed to say, instead of just saying "use your words". She's an emotion thru action type person. It's hard for any child to put their feelings into words but for Claira, even more so because it's not her first instinct to let you know - she just wants to show you. Fast & easy - That's her motto. Action first, words later (maaaybe). A co-worker of mine who was the only Saggitarious in an all Virgo family once told me. Oh yeah, we're "Jump first. Say 'oh shit' later."
It's so true. But I realized that I could not let Claira be a bully. I also had to teach Ellia to not let herself be bullied. So actually it was a bonus that I could help give her the self-esteem to say No to Claira, that she will not allow herself to be treated that way. Ellia doesn't like conflict so her instinct when hearing Claira begin to whine or yell was to just make it better. ie: make it go away. I told Ellia "Claira needs to learn that she can't scream at people to get what she wants. You are a wonderful big sister and you should not be yelled at."
Things are SO much better. Claira will now point out when she is following rules. "Look Mommy! No teeming (screaming) no running aroun!" When Ellia squeezes passed her in the back seat Claira looks at me and exclaims "I no push!" She's becoming proud of herself for living inside boundaries. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.